There are many types of abuse that can occur in any type of relationship or social situation. This can love, friendship, or even workplace. Regardless of which type of abusive relationship or social situation you are in there is never any exception to allowing oneself to be abused. Now you may be wondering what verbal abuse looks like so I am providing the following information. Verbal abuse often “involves using words to name call, bully, demean, frighten, intimidate, or control another person. This can include overt verbal abuse such as yelling, screaming, or swearing. Such behaviors are attempts to gain power, and the goal is to control and intimidate you into submission.” In my opinion verbal abuse can be overlooked and very subtle and before you realize it, and if you every realize it; you are a mere shadow of yourself so it is important to recognize the signs and symptoms of verbal abuse. Such signs are “being afraid of your abuser; feeling like you have to walk on eggshells around your abuser; being afraid to share thoughts or ideas with your abuser for fear of mocking or ridicule; afraid of being in public with your abuser for fear of what they will say about you in front of others; feeling threatened; being put down constantly for the way you look, think, act, dress, and talk; feeling inferior or ashamed of who you are; being yelled out for being over sensitive or that you do not have a sense of humor; your abuser overreacts to small problems and blame you for the resulting argument; your abuser suggests that they are the victim and try to make you feel guilty about something they have accused you of doing; and your abuser hides the verbal abuse when around other people but acts completely different when you are alone.” And, verbal abuse can be actions and behaviors such as blaming, condescension, criticism, gaslighting, humiliation, judging, manipulation, name calling, ridicule, threats, and/or withholding affection, attention, or conversation. Verbal abuse does not necessarily fall into one of these forms but could be all and in my experience it was and the verbal abuse I withstood caused a heap of emotional and mental problems for me. The constant barrage of verbal abuse does have emotional affects on an individual and some of the affects are as follows: anxiety, mood changes, stress, low self-esteem, depression, feelings of shame, guilt, and hopelessness, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), social withdraw and isolation, substance abuse, feeling worthless, and distrust of others. If you find that you are in a verbally abusive situation please end the relationship and leave. There are some experts and/or articles out there that suggest leaving but those same experts and articles also suggest limiting exposure to verbal abuse, setting boundaries, and/or calling out the behavior. I suppose that these tools would work if the abuse was happening in a friendship or work place but in a marriage or dating situation I firmly believe that ending the relationship by leaving is the best thing based on my experience. Trying to set boundaries, limit exposure, and calling out the behavior most likely will result in the worsening of the behaviors towards you. And as I have mentioned in a previous blog reach out to family, friends and/or domestic violence groups for support and healing. And yes, verbal abuse falls under domestic violence. There is also a Domestic Violence Hotline which you can call for help. That phone number is 1-800-799-7233 and information you give or assistance you may receive is confidential.

[1] Karakurt G, Silver KE. Emotional abuse in intimate relationships: the role of gender and age. Violence Vict. 2013;28(5):804-821. doi:10.1891/0886-6708.vv-d-12-00041